What could be

Dopamine tank

running on fumes.

Chasing the high

with cramping legs.

Just want to sleep.

To scream, to run away.

To feel everything.

To feel nothing.

My mouth is dry and eyes pixelated.

I know I should be productive.

but weeks pass in blinks,

and years during my second guessing.

A lifetime in hesitation.

Trapped in the purgatory

of what is,

and what could be.

Silent, still

The aftermath of an argument still heats the air between us. Silent, still. Yet hurtling past the point of no return.

Dozens of hurtful words fired, with millions left unsaid. They'll replay endlessly. In my mind at least.

We can no longer part coolly. This ship must crash and burn for us to go our separate ways. Torn apart like gum stuck in tangled hair. Each leaving some residue with the other.

Just give it some time, they said. Maybe take a break. But this break will never heal. The cracks can never be filled. I take a long walk on the beach and keep walking, and walking. Waiting to forget it all.

6AM

An empty mind with no clarity.

Grey noise and the echo of old lofi tracks

coming from another room in my head.

Nothing solid on which to build any intention.

A will untethered; no up or down.

Can't tell the sky from the ground.

Can't remember how this dream began.

Am I even still awake?

My personality sucked out of the airlock.

Don't know what I want anymore.

Waiting to hit the floor so I can tell I was falling.

The room fills with 6 AM light.

I want to fast forward to when this ends

or go back to when it started and leave.

Where did I put the keys

to my mind,

to my self,

to reality.

I'm slipping through the cracks.

I'll see you when I'm back.